12 Signs of an Unhappy Marriage

From my previous entry, ada aku cerita pasal mamat ni yang dok kata “I tak bahagia dengan perkahwinan I”. Aku pun google signs of unhappy marriage and bumped into this list. Boleh juga buat panduan kepada semua. Setidak-tidaknya boleh kesan dari awal dan ambil tindakan segera. Again, sekadar panduan je ye…

How to know that your Marriage is in Trouble

 

Not all marriages are made in heaven. A marriage in order to be a happy one takes a considerable amount of work. There are many signs to an unhappy marriage. I am giving below some of those signs. If either or any of the partners is behaving in such a manner then the chances are that it is an unhappy or failing marriage.
1) Frequent Arguments and Disrespect: If there are frequent disagreements between the husband and wife it is a definite sign that all is not well in the marriage. Abusive behavior and disrespect is another sign of an unhappy marriage. Some couples even resort to constant name calling, hurtful or vulgar behavior and bringing up issues that will purposely hurt the other person. Some not only curse each other they even throw objects at each other or get violent with each other. This can also be devastating for children of the unhappy couple if any.
2) Lack of Communication: If either or one partner has stopped communicating like he or she used to earlier that is a sure sign of unhappiness in marriage. While some couples choose to get into arguments or verbal lashing some couples stop communicating and keep a distance with each other. They stop sharing their thoughts and feelings with each other and stop consulting each other about home or personal issues. Couples in unhappy marriages often busy themselves with distractions to avoid the real issues.
3) Lies or keeping Secrets from one another: When the Marriage is on rocks many couples become too secretive about their activities. For instance if the spouse leaves the room frequently for private phone conversations or switch of the phone suddenly when the partner appears in front of them it is a sign to be beware. A happy couple often talks about their plans for the future. One of the signs of an unhappy marriage is that the spouse no longer shares hopes and dreams of future with you.
4) Not Spending time with you: If your spouse suddenly has started to spend more time with friends regularly than they spend time with you it is a sign of troubles in your relationship. Your spouse may even find excuses to stay at work late just to avoid being with you. Frequent trips made by one party or both, extended working hours, more time spent separately with friends and general avoidance of the other party can all be signs of an unhappy marriage. If the Spouse suddenly develops new hobbies and prefers to spend time alone without your company it is one of the signs that your marriage is in trouble. Such a person may also display Escapism.
5) Lack of Intimacy and Affection: If either of the parties do not display signs of love or affection like hugs, kiss or compliments then the marriage has lost its spark. Many times the spouse may also indulge in comparing you with others or praising others in front of you. Many times even the hand holding is gone, the pats on the back are absent and they usually won’t be sleeping in the same bed also. Lack of intimacy is one of the most common indicators of lack of emotional connection. Though the honeymoon phase may not last forever a total disinterest or lack of intimacy with spouse may be a sign of marital discontent.
6) Drinking or Drug usage: Some people tend to think they can drown their problems by drinking or using drugs. If such a habit has started suddenly that may be a sign of an unhappy marriage.

7) Partner Infidelity : Adultery or Partner Infidelity is a clear sign that the marriage is an unhappy one. When such a thing happens it is very hard to recover from an affair because once trust is gone it does not come back fast. There are instances when the marriage is under false pretenses (like the husband is not a Gay when he is one). A cheating husband or wife is a clear indication of an unhappy marriage.Sometimes one may make a sudden change in appearance or be secretive of their phone calls and may indulge in huge credit card spending when they are cheating on their spouses apart from spending time away from home.
8) Body language: The Body language between the husband and wife can also point if the marriage is a happy or unhappy one. Bad body language and behavior between spouses can be indication of an unhappy marriage.
9) Selfishness and not caring for the needs of the Spouse: When marriage is unhappy it will appear that one spouse will be unselfish with his or her feelings. He or she will not care that their activities bother the other person or care for the other persons needs.
10) Depression and Loneliness: If any of the partners is suffering from any form of depression or is exhibiting signs of depression is clear that he or she is unhappy. He or she will get even unhappy with the marriage if they feel alone in this suffering.Some may even have stronger feelings of regret regarding a choice of partner. Many may lose or put weight in such a condition because they either eat more or eat less.

11) Falling out of Love or having unrealistic Expectations: Many enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations and when they do not get fulfilled the marriage becomes an unhappy one. There are also instances where the couple who was in love fall out of love and lose interest in the spouse.
12) Other Issues: Sometimes other issues also can lead to unhappiness in marriage like monetary troubles or work pressures. There can also be problems from in laws or children.

In order to make a marriage succeed both husband and wife should stay emotionally connected and work towards building trust and love in the relationship.

Kisah Dulu-Dulu_sambungan

Sambungan…

Bila aku setuju nak bawak kawan aku jumpa mamat ni, aku dok la terpikir nak bawak someone. Tapi at that moment aku takde sapa2 yang terlintas di kepala otak nih.

Kenapa aku perlu bawak seseorang?

1. Untuk tunjuk kat dia yang aku tak keseorangan (tak nak kalah la konon)

2. Untuk bagitau kat dia, “Tolong jangan berharap lagi pada aku”

3. Untuk kaver gabra aku kot…

Tengah dok pikir tu, lalulah En Suami (waktu tu tak kenal sangat pun) kat depan aku.

Terus aku tanya,

Aku : free tak malam ni, leh teman tak?

En Suami : Where to?

Aku : Jumpa ex-bf

En Suami : Ok

So malam tu kitorang pun bawaklah kawan aku ni dari Shah Alam ke Kem dan terus ke NZ Wangsa Maju. Nasib baik En Suami dan kawan aku ni ada topik yang boleh disembangkan. Maklumla sama-sama belajar kat Jepun walaupun berbeza tahun, at least tak la sunyi sepi je kan…

Aku? Trying my best to act like nothing ever happen before.

Dia? Dah terlalu banyak perubahan…tak perlu aku nyatakan dengan terperinci kat sini la kan…

Yang penting, malam tu berlalu dengan mood persahabatan sahaja. Alhamdulillah, respon dari dia menampakkan yang dia tahu aku dah tak berharap apa-apa dari dia.

Zero.

Kosong.

Mati.

Tanpa Prejudis.

Aku rasa lebih “ringan”, lebih berkeyakinan, lebih matang.

Yang bestnya, aku dapat sms daripada dia keesokan malamnya. Tapi aku pelik, sebab dia tanya whether aku still sayang dia lagi ke tak?!?! Uiks? I thought everything dah clearly explained and understood by each of us! Dah takde sayang-sayang, takde maknanya, geli dah tekak aku nak nyebutnye pun…

All out of sudden, tetiba je dia kata, “Tak payah la awak nak sayang saya dah, pergilah kat kawan kita tu”. Aik, apahal plak nih. Macam la dia tak tau yang kawan kitorang tu couple dengan membe kitorang. Hilang akal ke apa???

Kawan aku pun sms gak, dia tanya ada tak mamat ni hantar sms merepek? Later we realized that the sms was actually sent by his wife. So what? Ingat aku kemaruk sangat ke? End up, aku terus bagitau kat dia yang aku tak berminat langsung walaupun sekadar kawan. Enough said, this will be my last sms to you and I don’t expect any reply from you anymore. The end.

However, good things happened. En Suami akhirnya benar-benar menjadi teman hidup aku. Dan aku lebih tenang untuk membuang semua surat, bahan bukti yang aku simpan sepanjang perkenalan aku dengan mamat tu. Mungkin itulah yang sepatutnya aku buat dari dulu untuk mencari sedikit ketenangan…

Kisah Dulu-Dulu

Kamu ketahuan…pacaran lagi…

Dengan dirinya…teman baikku…

Tapi  tak mengapa…aku tak heran…

Kerna dirimu…cinta sesaatku…

Sambil kemas rumah mama semalam, terjumpa pulak hadiah ‘si dia’ tahun 1999. Nak campak sayang, nak simpan nyampah, baikla aku bagi kat anak-anak sedara buat main…dengan wrapping paper pun masih elok dok kat dalam kotak tu. Perlu ke upload gambar kat sini? Tak payahla ek sebab aku pun tak suka nak nengoknya dah.

Kena sangat la lagu kat atas tu zaman aku kenal ngan dia. Dah kahwin pun dia, pun dengan kawan baik aku tu kan. Tapi aku sedih la jugak sebab after 6 years, dia datang cari aku balik. Dengan alasan sama macam aku selalu dengar dari kawan-kawan, media dan orang lain, “I tak bahagia dengan perkahwinan i…”

Uwekkkkkk…nak muntah aku dengornye. Kalau tak bahagia, takdela sampai 3 dah anak ko weh!

Ok, agak-agak korang, apa respon aku ye?

Hmm…Februari 2005, aku melayan segala SMS yang dia hantar, tapi aku tak anggap lebih ye. Aku layan sebagai kawan baik, yang pernah sama-sama susah dan senang. Aku tahu limit aku, dan aku pun tak sanggup nak lukakan hati wife dia. SMS tu berterusan sebagai kawan (takde feeling-feeling eh…dia aku tak tau la kan!).

Sehinggalah 20.05.2005, kawan aku balik dari Jepun dan nak jumpa si mamat nih. Kebetulan mamat ni ada kursus kat KL 2-3 hari ni. Aku pun agak keberatan nak bawak, sebab aku tak rasa aku nak jumpa mamat tu (dendam still ada, ehehehe). Yang kawan aku ni pulak beria-ia mintak tolong sebab dia tak tau jalan kat KL ni. Pening gak kepala aku time tu, sebab dulu kitorang berempat kawan baik; termasuk la girlfriend kawan aku yang balik dari Jepun tu.

Dan aku pun akhirnya bersetuju…sambungannya selepas ini eh.. :D

Rumah Sebelah Kena Pecah!!!_Part 2

Actually ni kesinambungan dari entri sebelum ni. Tak sampai 24 jam selepas kejadian pecah rumah kat tangga aku ni, ada la sorang mamat India ni kena cekup waktu dia buat cubaan nak pecah rumah kat tangga yang sama.

Sebelum tu dah ada orang nampak dia berlegar-legar kat kawasan tu. Nampak sangat la dia orang baru kat situ sebab kat blok aku tu cuma ada satu je keluarga India dan kitorang semua memang kenal dia. En Suami pun nampak dia lalu depan rumah few minutes before kena cekup tu. Tapi mengikut kata En Suami, ada dua orang sebab lagi satu helmet masih ada atas motor yang disorok kat belakang rumah kitorang.

Lebih kurang jam 6.45 petang, terdengar kecoh-kecoh depan rumah. Makcik Sariah panggil aku dari luar. Aku mintak En Suami tolong tengokkan. Bila aku keluar je, En Suami terus pass Muhammad kat aku dan ikut kejar pencuri yang terlepas tu. Bila dah tangkap, diorang nak pukul tapi Makcik Sariah tak bagi. Itu yang terlepas dan terus tak dapat tangkap sampai sudah. Motor tu pulak, ada kes samun, dadah, pecah rumah dan rogol. Adehla, terus rasa tak secure duduk kat situ. Sekarang ni, keluar sekejap pun aku akan cepat-cepat kunci pintu rumah.

Alhamdulillah, bila jadi kes macam ni, aku nampak perpaduan yang ada dalam komuniti kat sini. Itu je yang buat aku kurang takut sikit. Aku tinggalkan rumah hari Khamis lepas dengan perasaan yang berbelah bagi, tapi aku serahkan kepadaNya untuk memberi perlindungan. Sampai-sampai rumah je, kelam kabut aku cek segala kunci rumah tu. Syukur Alhamdulillah…baru rasa lega dan hilang segala libang libu dalam dada ni.

Ok, sekarang tengah planning for next vacation plak J

Feeding your baby : Four Day Rule

When feeding your baby, always remember to apply the four day rule. 

The four day rule is a simple strategy to help spot baby digestive problems or potential allergies and easily identify problem foods. 

The rule is easy to follow...

Each time you introduce a new food to your baby, you need to continue feeding your baby that same food for four days. You can continue to feed your baby other foods you have safely introduced. 

But don't introduce two new foods at the same time.

It's an effective strategy...

Allergic reactions usually appear quickly - sometimes within 1/2 an hour of your baby eating the food responsible. But it can take up to 3 or 4 days for a reaction to occur. Baby digestive problems, too, tend to take a few days to appear.

By sticking to one new food for 4 days, you will immediately be able to tell which food is causing the reaction or digestive problem. You can then eliminate this food from your baby's diet, although it may be possible to re-introduce it later on. Identifying the problem quickly means you won't need to "experiment" to find its cause ... and you won't risk provoking the same reaction again. 

A useful tip is to try introducing new foods in the morning or at lunch time.

If your baby suffers a severe allergic reaction, it will be easier to get medical help then, rather than later in the day.

If the food causes your baby digestive problems, he may experience diarrhea, gas (wind) or some other discomfort. If you've given him the food late in the day, then he - and you - will probably be in for a sleepless night!

If you are introducing solids to your baby before he is 6 months old, you might want to increase the "four day rule" to seven days. Some medical experts believe that, in a younger baby, digestive problems and allergic reactions are more likely to occur.

Giving your baby new foods is exciting, but don't rush things - it pays to be patient and apply this rule. You will be in control of your baby's diet, alert to potential problems and able to identify their cause. And the end result ... a happy, healthy baby, enjoying the foods that are right for him.